


Attention Whore

by camX



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Other, TommyInnit Has ADHD (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has Tics, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Transgender, no beta we die like the authors ribs, shippers fuck off, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camX/pseuds/camX
Summary: Tommy wanted to tell someone how long he had been binding. He wanted someone to know so they could comfort him or care about him or tell him to take it off or tell him to vent-But he couldn't.Because wanting attention is bad, needing attention is bad. Attention is bad. And therefor he is a shit person for craving it.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 69
Kudos: 503





	Attention Whore

**Author's Note:**

> tw// mention of self harm, mention of eating disorder, mention of sh scars, tics, probably a lot of other stuff as well
> 
> this is badly written, im sorry. i just wrote out my thought process and my feelings.

Tommy laid on the floor of his room, wanting to move over to his bed but not being able to gain the will power or strength to do so. He felt like he was gonna cry- or, needed to cry really, but he couldn't do so. He simply couldn't bring himself to cry. It felt like it was impossible. Maybe it's because he had been crying every night for the past couple of weeks so now his body can't produce tears, but that would contradict everything about how the human body works.

Either way he couldn't cry or move.

Every now and then he would tic, randomly hitting himself in the head or shouting "owa owa" or scrunching his nose or throwing his head to the side. The blonde's tics always acted up when he was sad or just at night in general. But then again they probably weren't tics. He didn't have his ADHD diagnosed, and his tics weren't a constant thing.

He has probably convinced his brain that he has ADHD and tics and is mimicking the symptoms for attention without realizing it. He wasn't valid. His mental health wasn't valid. Nothing about Tommy was valid. This though process wasn't valid- he was thinking these things for attention.

Everything he does is for attention.

He is loud for attention, he's sad for attention, he cries for attention, he lies for attention, he cuts for attention, he's insecure for attention, he binds for attention, he's trans for attention, he tics for attention, he does everything for attention. Everything Tommy has ever done in his life is for attention. There was not a single thing that wasn't for others. 

Sure, he didn't want his mental illnesses. He didn't want to randomly shout random things. He didn't want to claw his own skin off because he was born a girl. He didn't want to deal with hiding the scars on his thighs and ankles. He didn't want to have to lie to his friends.

Or maybe he did.

Maybe he did want all of those things.

Maybe it was all an attempt for attention.

Because after all, Tommy wasn't valid.

And there was nothing he could do to prove it wasn't.

So the blonde sat there on the floor with his phone at his side. He had pulled it out when he had started to panic but then didn't actually message or call anyone. Hell- he didn't even make a joke about it on a discord server. He could not bring himself too because that would prove to his mind that everything was for attention.

Tommy wanted to tell someone how long he had been binding. He wanted someone to know so they could comfort him or care about him or tell him to take it off or tell him to vent-

But he couldn't.

Because wanting attention is bad, needing attention is bad. Attention is bad. And therefor he is a shit person for craving it.

Tommy is a shit person.

Hell- even if he did message someone. He would be told to take it off and he wouldn't be able to bring himself so he'd just lie. He would stop typing for a minute or two to cause the illusion that he was changing then send a message along the lines of "alright I took it off." 

And no one would quesrion it.

No one would question it because they don't care.

But that's not a good state of mind to have. Because truly it's his fault for lying or attempting to get the attention in the first place, not there's. It is his fault for being a good liar. Everything is his fault.

Why does his mind manage to change the subject every five seconds?

He didn't wanna keep questioning and bashing his entire existence. He wanted help- he wanted attention. He didn't want attention. He wanted to talk to someone. But what if they notice his speaking patterns and realize how sad he is? That might be a good thing. Then he could get help. He didn't want them to realize he's sad then leave him after noticing how much of an attention whore he was though. Maybe it'd be good if everyone left him.

Off topic.

Tommy took in a deep breath before grabbing his phone and pressing the power button. No notifications besides Tubbo ranting about a picture of a moth in the DreamSmp group chat. Made sense, why would anyone wanna message him? The blonde opened discord then started scrolling through his DM's.

Tubbo, Philza, and Wilbur were at the top. Then below was mainly just others from the DreamSmp along with a few IRL friends. Talking to IRL friends while sad felt like a crime so he instantly ruled out dm'ing them.

There was always Wilbur but he didn't want to be annoying. What if Wil took Tommy messaging him out of nowhere at night as a cry for help? Then the blonde would look like an attention seeker and that would be bad. There was Eret, Eret might understand the struggles of being trans. Then again he wasn't out to her yet. Techno would Philza, and Tubbo would tell Wil. Phil would probably tell Tommys parents.

No one.

He can't talk to anyone.

Tommy set down his phone again and let his head fall in his arms. Attention was bad, so why did he want it? Why did he crave attention? Why did he want comfort? Why did he need validation?

Maybe it was because he was a terrible person.

No- that wasn't a maybe. It's true. Tommy is a terrible person and that was that.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like the fact im posting a ventfic about how much of a piece of shit i am for wanting attention is ironic


End file.
